It’s tried several – mostly successful – ways of entertaining you to buy its Pixel phones. But when you’re on a roll, it’s hard to control and direct your ribald enthusiasm. The company’s latest amusement is a mellifluously voiced mockery of Apple and the legend that is Jony Ive. Also: Want to see just how bad Google Chrome is? Try this simple trick! To sell you its Pixel 5a, Google offers up two minutes of hypnotic English talk, just as Apple used to do whenever it launched a new product. “No beginning. No end. No end to the beginning,” says the Ive-mocker, as a female voice whispers “geometry” in as alluring a way as a human can. The Ive-mocker is talking about the circle. No, not the fine book and movie that skewered Google with delicious abandon. Instead, this is the circle known as the headphone jack, a circle that’s right there on the Pixel 5a. He mentions that this headphone jack is “designed to welcome both 1/8th-inch three-pole TRS and four-pole TRRS connections.” “A glorious achievement that draws from our past and propels us into the future,” says faux-Ive. Witty, I hear you snigger. Well done again, Google. This, you might sniff, is the continuation of a perfect circle that’s seen all the fancier Pixels since the Pixel 2 also be jackless. Why, then, make such an entertainment out of something so small and something that is no sort of corporate commitment at all? That’s what many might mutter, at least. Some might still think this is uproariously funny in a self-deprecating, meta sort of way. “Guess what? We made a two-minute ad about a jack when everyone knows jacks are disappearing.” I’m a touch more perplexed by the idea that mocking Jony Ive is still amusing. Mocking Apple is, of course, a moral duty. The company’s self-glorification always leaves it open to ridicule. But if you’re mocking Apple in an ad, try flexing your mind and not reaching for old jokes. Ive slipped off into the perfectly designed night several Pixels ago. His velvety product videos are no more. Better mock next time, Google?
