Here, though, is something you never knew you wanted and can’t wait to have in your house. If you’re the sort of person who adores being nagged until the end of time. Dispense absolutely the right amount of soap by viewing the state of your hands, perhaps? Squirt soap on your hands without you needing to even touch it? Sing ditties of cleanliness, post-ablution? Oh, not quite. Yes, in our days where ignorance and paranoia fight for world domination, you need to be urged to wash for the requisite 20 seconds. Or else what? Does the Smart Soap Dispenser suddenly speak loudly with Alexa’s portentous tones about your washing failures? Especially when someone else enters the bathroom. “David only did 14 seconds! Disgusting!” Oh, not quite. You can, though, hook your Smart Soap Dispenser up with a “compatible” Echo device to create something that you desperately need – another Alexa routine. You know that someone will concoct 20 seconds of soccer crowd cheering, Joe Manchin and Lindsey Graham’s most loyal moments, or some other painful sound-effect. Just to shock guests and enjoy their own astute amusement. But does anyone truly need it? Does anyone really want to time every single handwashing moment – after all, some handwashing occasions simply need more seconds than others? And what if the CDC changes its guidelines? It does that a lot. Yes, but technology doesn’t exist to account for human vicissitudes. It’s just there to entertain, right?
